lost in life

I turn 20 next week.

I am feeling really lost right now. I feel like everything and everyone is constantly moving forward and i am stumbling to keep up.

I need some sort of purpose, I wake up at 5am to go to a job I hate.  I have no drive or motivation. I am just squandering the hours away here now. I am not working to my full potential because I don’t want to be  here.

I want to go back to school. The thing is I dont know what I want to do there. I feel like I have no particular strengths, but am mediocre at everything.

I can remember the last time my brain was actually stimulated. Is it possible to get dumber- like my brain is now just a redundant muscle, losing its strength? I dont want that. I want to have some sort of goal, I need to work towards something.

I constantly have this chip on my shoulder because I am in an amazing amount of debt. I keep blaming other people in my head for loaning money to a silly naive 18 year old but I know its my fault. I know its my fault that 2 years later I am still in debt. I know its my fault that I am not paying off my debt, yet I still havent done anything about it.
I need help.

This isn’t where I imagined I would be when I turned 20.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. MyLightyear
    Apr 21, 2010 @ 08:55:34

    Dude I was in a stupifying amount of debt around 10 years ago. It happens to a lot of people when they first get tasty tasy credit. I also managed a pizza shop for 26k a year and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

    Be cool, you have forever to become half as awesome as I am. 😀


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